In all the years I spent traveling through rural and remote areas on The Write Road, there was a refrain, a silent sub-text, a lingering whisper in our workshops and retreats: it’s not about you.
Sometimes the whisper shapeshifted into a flood, most commonly in the form of quiet tears. Rarely did it become a roar, although for some women, sometimes, there was a lightning flash of recognition as she found herself in another woman’s experience.
In one retreat the women developed a mantra: “I’m taking the chicken wing.” The chicken wing became a metaphor for ‘it bloody well is about me’. The woman who described this story had sacrificed the chicken wing to others in her family for 40 years. Every woman in that retreat had her own chicken wing.
I was talking to a friend this week. She has two adult offspring, both of whom in the space of days said to her “it’s not about you”. My friend was gobsmacked, to put it politely, given what her offspring were asking from her.
It’s not about you. What does that even mean for a woman drowning in care-giving?
Far west NSW has pivoted from drought, to covid, to flood. In recognition of the sheer weight of enforced isolation on remote communities in these times, we ran a series of wellbeing-through-writing workshops for women swamped by the care needs of others.
Because it is about you.
These day-long workshops offered rest, recovery and renewal. They were an opportunity to call time-out, to reset priorities and set new pathways forwards that very much were about you. What do you need to keep going as you support others? What do you need that has nothing at all to do with anyone else but the longing of your own spirit. Write your way home. Because for anyone in situations of ongoing care, life is most definitely all about you, too.
Dr Stephanie Dale is an award-winning journalist, author and founder of the International Wellbeing-through-writing Institute. In 2014 she launched The Write Road, a wellbeing-through-writing initiative for rural and remote Australians. She is passionate about pilgrimage, and in 2017 founded Walk&Write holiday writing adventures.